make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
