Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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