Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
