Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
