do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize