I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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