you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
