**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
