i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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