I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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