We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize