I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
