Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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