I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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