Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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