well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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