I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
