So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
