so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
