Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
