I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize