Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
