How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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