I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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