3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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