I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
