Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Holy sore nipples Batman
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
