Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
