Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
