I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
