drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
