her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
