mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
