Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
