Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
