So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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