halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
