Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
