don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
