Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
