I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
