My first STD was from a foam party
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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