I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
