i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
