i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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