i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
