also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize