And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
