There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
