whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
