At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
