i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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