apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
