Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
