hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
