bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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