Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
