just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
