Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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