It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
