Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize