So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
