I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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